Talk to me about anything else.
As someone who’s always struggled with weight and body image, I find it distressing and triggering listening to people’s diets, weight loss missions and negative body talk.
I’m sure you’ve heard it all before. Friends will let off steam by venting how much they hate their tummies and thighs, how they need to start eating better or lose those last 5kgs to reach their goal weight. And while I completely empathise, I just can’t take part in it. I completely shut down.
I grew up with a strong connection to food. I would eat anything my Nonna made me – polenta, tortellini in brodo, lasagne. A funny story my Nonna likes to retell takes place when I was five. She said I knew when she tried to feed me store-bought ravioli – “Nonna, these ravioli are sticking to my mouth”.
Seconds were always encouraged.
When I was a young teenager, food was weaponised against me. I had a close relative tell me “a minute on your lips, a lifetime on your hips”. I still remember where I was and what I was eating – chocolate fondue at a family dinner party in my own home. They said it as if they were helping me, saving me from the irreversible decision of indulging in dessert.
I worked with someone who would constantly berate her body. It would be subtle. A food fact here or there, a small dig at her appearance or talk about how she needed to push herself to exercise more. What upset me the most was that we had very similar bodies and I thought she looked great. She never realised that every time she belittled herself, it felt like she was belittling me.
I hated my body during that time.
A few years ago, I took part in a short fitness program at my gym that included two free body scans. These body scans tell you everything about your body, from weight to body measurements and muscle mass. I was scanned at the beginning of the program. I also had access to a nutritionist. I took a realistic and relaxed approach to the program and took it as an opportunity to reconnect with food and learn some new HITT exercises. I didn’t restrict my food, as advised from the nutritionist and continued to eat the same. I just moved my body in different ways (all whilst commuting and working full time). At the end of the eight-week program, my results returned relatively the same, which was of no surprise to me.
This proved to be a real disappointment for the body scan operator, who berated me for not exercising enough and for not being as strict on my diet. He told me I should be exercising at least an hour every day and stop eating all carbs. He told me I was “quite overweight”. I was a size 10-12.
It was this day that I said enough.
Enough to weighing myself.
To thinking about diets.
To listening to unsolicited advice from people claiming to have good intentions.
While I may have thrown out my scales, I still have a long way to go. I have days when dysmorphic thoughts about my appearance are all consuming, especially those times when I’m shopping for new clothes. I’m trying to think less about my body and work towards a form of body neutrality. I still battle with my relationship towards exercise.
But what I won’t do anymore is indulge you when you talk negatively about your body. I won’t join in by offering a dig at my own appearance. I won’t comment on the foods you’re eating. I will never comment on your weight or “thinness” as an indicator of how good you look.
And I urge you to do the same. Have a think about how quick-said words can have a lasting impact on yourself and others. Because those are comments you just never forget.
Illustration by Larisa Zaytseva / Adobe Stock